Whenever I come across a conflict, I notice how the key to the conflict is almost the different stories the participants bring to the issue. I have learned that it is almost always best to make sure I hear all of the stories before I start to take any action.
It is mighty tempting to buy into the first, or most recent, story I've heard. This is especially true when the story is coming from someone I like or respect. How can they be wrong in what they are telling me?
I counsel patience and further investigation. Nearly every time, when I hear a different person's story, I find that story makes sense to me, too. Even if it is about the same issue or incident. And if there are multiple people involved, then there are multiple stories, and they are almost all different.
The challenge for a leader is to find ways to reconcile these multiple stories and to help the participants become aware of them. Most of the time we can find common ground and a solution when we listen to each other and integrate these multiple perspectives.
People that have the hardest time with this are those that have a strong tendency toward seeing things as black or white. These people often miss those important shades of gray, which makes it harder to see the full picture. If you see yourself in this, just remember that seeing shades of gray is a skill that can be learned, just like most skills. Take the time to practice and you will surely improve.
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